Exposition and scene

After having read boxes of manuscripts for the creative nonfiction anthology I’m co-editing with Luanne Armstrong I can say confidently that the major reason most pieces were rejected was the over-use of exposition.

What do I mean by that? “Well, I watched this movie last night. It was called Mostly Martha. It was German. It was about this chef, see, and what happens when her sister dies in a car crash and her niece has come live with her. The chef is always getting really stressed out at work, too, so she goes into the walk-in freezer to chill out.”

Wow, bet that had a lot of emotional impact on you, didn’t it? Exposition is telling someone about the movie you just saw. Scene is taking someone into the movie. Look at this example from Melissa Bank’s The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing.

“At the shore, he says, “What the hell were you doing with that guy?”

I am stunned. “What are you talking about?”

“Flirting with that guy,” he says.

“Cap’n Tom?” I say.

“I don’t believe you,” he says.

“I don’t believe you,” I say. But I feel like a fish clown in  my flippers and have to take them off before I go on. “We’re just friends,” I say, mocking him. “Besides, I don’t think everything needs to be spelled out.”

“Okay,” he says, “I get it.”

“Good,” I say. “Now multiply how you feel times six days and five nights.”

“So, you’re getting back at me,” he says.

“No, I say, I wasn’t. I wasn’t flirting with that guy. I just liked him.”

We walk and we walk. We are both fuming, which seems all wrong with the the blue sky and green water. We pass another couple, holding hands. “Hey, ” they say, like we are four peas in a pod.

Jamie says a death-voiced “Hi” for both of us.
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What you’re seeing the writer do here is drag you into her movie. You have tension, a back and forthing, physical reaction from the narrator–she feels so vulnerable and foolish she has to remove her flippers. The tiny interaction with the passing couple points up the discrepancy between the way things seem and the way they are. The reader is right there with the writer, feeling all this.

Think specific concrete detail. Use dialogue. Put a genuine setting to work for you. If you’re writing fiction, grab a place you’ve been where imaginary things can happen. See how Bank’s idiosyncratic voice comes through even in this tiny snip? The character feels like a fish clown. The fact the other couple say hi is something the writer notes with amusement: it’s like people who drive say, Austin Healey’s waving to one another. The boyfriend responds “death-voiced” which of course is an overblown response rendered deadpan.

Scene is your friend. Cuddle with it, make out with it, take it places with you and feed it treats. Scene will amply repay you.